7 ways to prevent parental burnout
Parental burnout affects 1 in 10 parents, and can occur at any time during the parenting journey.
To prevent burnout, it is essential that we are regularly caring for our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
We need to be aware of the balance between the demands we place upon ourselves and the resources we have to cope. Our goal is to reduce demands and, where we can’t, look for ways to increase resources to allow us space, energy and time to be able to respond to demands in our parenting life. That balancing is crucial to prevent parental burnout.
Below we look at seven things you can do now to prevent parental burnout.
1. Be kind to yourself
We are our own worse critics. As parents we often hold ourselves to a high standard. But remember, nobody can be operating at a high level all of the time. We all have off days. And that’s OK.
Tell yourself that it’s OK to be ‘good enough’, rather than ‘perfect’.
You might also want to consider avoiding ‘should’ statements (i.e. I should be having 15 minutes of focused play with my child). Instead reframe them to something like, ‘It would be great if I had the time to have more focused play with my child, but I’m doing the best I can, and that’s OK’. By reframing it you are accounting for your circumstances rather than telling yourself off for what you ‘should’ be doing.
2. Set boundaries
Parents put plenty of pressure on themselves, but others can too (in-laws, friends, well-meaning relatives) in terms of their expectations. You may hear that familiar adage, ‘Back in my day, parents never...’.
The world is constantly changing, and if you are a parent of subsequent children, you’ll know how much can change even in a year or two. You may want to take outside counsel for certain things. But if this type of pressure is causing stress, firmly remind them that as the parent, you are taking a different approach to raise your child. These boundaries can help you ensure other people’s opinions to not affect your own self-worth.
3. Address lack of sleep
This might mean taking a look at how well your family unit is coping with sleep disruption and making some changes accordingly. You might also consider good sleep hygiene such as going to bed at a consistent (early!) bedtime, taking daytime naps whenever the opportunity arises, avoiding caffeinated drinks and using other strategies to assist with disrupted sleep.
4. Ask for help
It can be hard for parents to feel comfortable asking for support, but getting help from others can have a profound effect on how we think and feel. Believe it or not, most of your social connections will be happy to help if they’re asked.
Think about, what kind of support your connections can help you with. Perhaps it’s sharing the load on restless nights, carpooling with another parent, or taking your child for a walk in the afternoon.
If you have the resources, you might also want to think about where you can outsource help, such as ordering a meal delivery service to take care of dinners on work days, or employing a cleaner. We often get stuck in our thought patterns, so remember that things don’t have to be concrete. You’ll need to re-examine what’s working (and not) across the different ages and stages as your child grows.
Other parents can not only provide social support in tangible ways like carpooling and meals, but they can also help us on an emotional level with social connectedness – providing us with a sense of belonging, and that we are not alone.
Remember, asking for help should be an ‘always on’ activity. Not something you only do when things get critical.
5. Build your parenting skills
Consider building your skills so that you hold age-appropriate expectations for your children, and have a toolkit of strategies to support connection and foster healthy development.
Right now the Australian government is offering free access to the evidence-based Triple P parenting course that is designed to support parents at this transition to parenthood or with a baby up to 12-months of age, providing new parents and carers with strategies to help manage their emotions and relationship changes as well as meet the needs of their baby.
Remember, building your parenting skills doesn’t mean you’re a ‘bad parent’. Sometimes our natural parenting style doesn’t suit our children’s styles at the time. By taking the time to better understand our natural rhythms as a parent, we can equip ourselves with more tools to help us navigate those tricky times.
6. Make a little time for yourself
If you’re trying to be everything to everyone without making time for yourself, you could be at risk of burnout. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Make time to refuel. Even if it’s just five minutes This will help the entire family unit.
If you’ve read other articles on this site, we’re hoping by now you have a sense of how important self-care is – it's not just a buzzword. Self-care doesn’t mean giving yourself a facial and expecting to be a brand-new person 20 minutes later. Self-care is about adopting regular healthy routines to rest and recharge. Finding space in your day or week to do something for you. In the early days of parenting, it might mean giving yourself permission to do absolutely nothing while your baby naps. It might be taking five minutes to practice mindfulness while your child plays. Perhaps you want to do laps at the local swimming pool. It might be more focused on practising self-compassion and patting yourself on the back. Whatever it is, finding these moments of joy to yourself is crucial in preventing parental burnout.
7. Reconnect with your values
Reconnecting with your values can help anchor you back to what’s important to you. Make some time to think about your values and what they mean for you in the context of being a parent. For example, if connection is one of your values, you might want to think about what connection means for you as a family, and carve out some time to nurture that.
If you haven’t taken the time to define your values before, read this article to get started.
Where to get help if you’re struggling
To find a health professional who can undertake an assessment and help you identify whether you may be experiencing anxiety, depression, or symptoms of burnout, search the e-COPE Directory.
Not sure if you’re experiencing parental burnout? Read about the 4 signs of parental burnout here.
Not sure the difference between stress and not being ok? We delve into the gamut of emotions you can experience as a working parent, and where to find help here.
