The conversation you need to have with your spouse or partner now that you're going back to work

Key takeaways for business owners returning to work

• Be honest about what you need (really honest), and keep checking in with each other. 
• Fill out a support plan. 
• Make time for yourself. 
• Keep checking in with each other. 

Whether you're the birth parent or the support partner, returning to work after baby is a big deal. Your world has changed. Your routine is going to be different, your stamina might take time to build again, and your focus can sometimes shift as you think of your child, wherever they are, spending their time without you.  

It can be a lot.  

When you're returning to work, it is essential to talk with your partner about what that will look like … together. That means agreeing to who is doing what and setting up expectations early on to reduce the mental load and avoid unnecessary resentment building. Be mindful that this isn't a 'one and done' conversation. You will need to keep talking and re-evaluating as the baby grows and as your work commitments and personal goals shift over time.  

Talking with your life partner  

Relationships are hard, even when you're not the parents of a newborn. But they're especially hard when you're parents of a newborn. Often, the time in our lives when children come along coincides with our prime working years. Unless one parent is eager to take a career break or long leave, the push-pull of new parenthood can create tension in a relationship. You both jostle for your career (or business) to take priority. Add to that sleepless nights, a short fuse, and the constant feeling of being pulled in different directions, and it makes for some tricky relationship challenges.   

As a parent and business owner with an already full plate, you'll need to have an open conversation with your partner about how you'll both manage the mental load that comes with being parents, or in the adjustment to more children. Set aside time to determine who will do what and when this might change. List out everything (and we mean everything) from making lunchboxes for older children to which parent is the daycare emergency contact and who buys the birthday gifts throughout the year.   

Sharing the mental load  

For many families, the division of labour begins during parental leave and sets a pattern that can last for years. It may seem easier that the parent at home looking after the baby does the laundry and makes dinner, but this reinforces the breadwinner/homemaker stereotype which can be unhelpful in the long term if it’s not what each parent wants. If one partner is relying on the other to tell them how they can help, or what to do, it isn't actually off the other person's plate. Be honest about your needs. Make time to regularly check in with each other. The key here is clear communication – don’t let things fester, be honest with each other, talk about what you need, and do what you can to share the mental load.  

How to get the support you need  

Take a business-minded approach. As you would solve a business problem with a strategy and plan of attack, do the same for emotional and physical support. Even if you don't choose to take up much support (we don't recommend this), knowing you have a backup when you need it is beneficial for your mental health. 

Making time to fit in the things you enjoyed before the baby is also important. Scheduling time to look after yourself, whether that's yoga, running, or seeing friends, can give you another means to cope, talk or work through issues.   

If you haven’t filled out a support plan, now is a good time to determine where and what kind of support will be most beneficial, especially as you return to work (and find your feet as a new parent).  

Talking with your business partner  

If you have a business partner, you'll need to have a frank discussion and create a plan of action now that you’re expecting. No doubt, your business partner will be thrilled for you, but things can quickly get messy without proper structure and agreed terms. If you don't have a legal agreement covering parental leave, it's an excellent excuse to get a new one to cover all parties. 

Any period of leave from the business will have financial and logistical implications. Together, you'll need to decide if the business will pay you parental leave, or even if your business partner will get paid a higher salary if they take on more hours while you're on leave. Resolve to make compromises that work for both of you and the business.