5 things you should be thinking about now as a dad
Key takeaways
- Knowing your entitlements in crucial.
- It’s ok to put your family first.
- Set boundaries for yourself.
- Make sure you ask for help.
- Adjusting can be a challenge … but it gets better!
‘You don’t know what you don’t know’, or so the saying goes. Many of today’s working dads are dealing with challenges that perhaps they didn’t see around them growing up. They may be a more involved parent, taking more leave, or simply experiencing the shock of new parenthood – there’s so much people don’t tell you about.
Transitioning Well surveyed 176 dads to find out what they wish they knew before becoming a father, read on to hear about their experiences.
1. Knowing your entitlements is crucial
“I wish I knew what I was entitled to and that it is OK to take the full time off. Working when you have a newborn at home is hard, getting sleep is hard, and it is hard managing sleep and work with a newborn child.”
All parents are entitled to 12 months’ unpaid leave if they’ve been with their employer for more than a year.
Parents can now share Parental Leave Pay with each other and take up to 20 days simultaneously. To encourage fathers and partners to take more parental leave, part of Parental Leave Pay will be reserved for each parent to use. In this ‘use or lose it’ scheme, unused days will be lost if not used before a child turns two. Single parents will be able to get the total amount of Parental Leave Pay.
Payments are now 24 weeks, and the total Parental Leave Pay available to families will increase by two weeks each July, until 2026, when it will be 26 weeks of paid leave.
For more on the new changes to Parental Leave Pay, visit the Services Australia website.
Remember, as a parent, you have the right to make a flexible work request when returning from parental leave. This could be changing your start and finish times, working from home, part-time hours, or even a job share arrangement. You should make any formal request in writing, and your employer must respond within 21 days. It can only be refused on reasonable business grounds, which need to be communicated to you in their response.
2. It’s OK to put your family first
“Be very clear on what your rights are, and be sure to advocate for yourself and your family, and how important your role as a father and husband is. Don’t give so much of yourself to work – focus on your family, who should always be your number one priority.”
Navigating the transition from worker to working parent is challenging. Many parents later regret prioritising work over their families or missing important milestones in their child’s life. Once you know your entitlements, make a plan to navigate short or long leave, and advocate for what you want. You might have to educate your employer along the way, but don’t stress – we can help you with that here.
3. You might feel pressure to be everything to everyone
“Both [work and partner] needed me, and although I wanted to support my wife emotionally and physically, I also needed to support the family by continuing on my business/work. I felt like I couldn’t win completely either way.
“The immense pressure I felt – both from work and home – actually made me less productive and less efficient, and it definitely impacted negatively on my physical and mental health.”
As a new father, you might feel the pressure to be everything to everyone. A good partner, a good father, a good employee, a good mate, and on it goes… to mitigate the demands on your time, you can set boundaries at work and prioritise activities that boost your wellbeing so you’re in good shape to do the things you need to do.
4. Your mental health might take a hit
“My mental health and relationship suffered due to lack of sleep and having to work long hours. I wasn’t able to bond with my baby as I wanted/expected to. For my youngest, I had to quit my job to stay home, and my partner had a c-section. She and the baby needed some extra care and time in the hospital after complications. COVID-19 hit, so I had to homeschool older children and take extra time off work unpaid to look after the baby and older children.”
The pressures parents face are, at times, overwhelming. Be aware of the signs of perinatal anxiety and depression in you and your partner. One in five new mothers and one in 10 new fathers are affected by anxiety and depression in the baby’s first year. Ask for help from others, and don’t hesitate to talk to a professional.
5. Adjusting can be a challenge .. but it gets better!
“Adjusting to life as a first-time parent is taxing – there’s little to no sleep in those first few weeks, and being expected to log on and work normal hours and be focused and accurate was hard.”
It’s true that not much can prepare you for parenthood. You can read all the books, have the right conversations, and do the courses, yet your baby just won’t sleep. Be kind to yourself, knowing this could be a challenging time but it won’t last forever. Plan to take some leave (even if it’s short) in the first few months to help navigate this transition well, and keep engaging in activities that maintain your wellbeing.
