Flexibility doesn't mean you don't care about your career

Key takeaways

• Take some time to think about what's most important to you and set some boundaries around protecting that. 
• Ask for what you need before assuming you won't get it. 
• Think about how you can continue to deliver while working flexibility. It may give you the peace of mind you're looking for. 
• Get clear on what you want and what you need. 

If you aren’t taking long leave, it can be a bit unsettling returning to work after the birth of your child. At home everything has changed, and yet you find yourself back in the thick of work as if nothing’s happened, negotiating the same pressures you did before baby was born.  

For many new dads and mums, they can feel like they have to sacrifice time with their child for career progression – and vice versa. And that can go on for years. But is that actually the case? And what does it take to be an involved partner and have a fulfilling career?  

Firstly, boundaries  

The demands on your time as a new parent might be some of the most stressful you’ll experience throughout your career. You probably want to be a good parent, show up for your partner, succeed at work, provide for your family, and somewhere in there have time for mates and exercising too. So how do you get the head space to do all of that?  

One approach is to understand your values (what’s important to you) and set boundaries (your non-negotiables). Since the pandemic, we’re realising the glorified ‘rise and grind’ work culture doesn’t give us the fulfilment we thought it would. Turns out, there are no prizes for the most emails ever sent or who stayed at their desk the longest.  

It’s up to us to put parameters on our time. Maybe that means not checking emails outside work hours, or leaving before 5pm three days a week to be the one doing bath-time. Whatever that looks like for you, by setting boundaries you’ll better manage your demands, be more productive at work, and have less risk of burning out. 

Ask, don’t assume  

Due to stigma, cultural stereotypes and self-limiting beliefs, many of us are unwilling or fearful of asking for accommodations at work. Often it’s because we don’t want to let the team down, we don’t think work would go for it, or it’s ‘not the done thing’ in our business.   

When going for a pay rise or negotiating for a new role, it’s often a case of ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get,’ and this is a useful motto when it comes to asking for flexibility.  

Managers aren’t mind-readers, yet we often fail to communicate the changes we want. Cue resentment, frustration and overwhelm.  

So, before you dismiss an allowance that would help you achieve the balance you’re looking for, ask – don’t assume.   

But won’t flexibility limit my career?  

Many of us parents worry that asking for allowances can be a career-limiting move. And while there are legal provisions to protect us (see below), it doesn’t stop that nagging feeling that we can’t possibly progress our career while working flexibly.  

In some cases, this is just a story we’re telling ourselves. Going back to the pay rise analogy, we often have to make these requests alongside evidence of performance, and a case for advancement. 

It can be useful to spend time on a similar exercise, detailing how you will continue to deliver in your role with your newfound flexibility. It might not be necessary for your manager (or it might just give them the peace of mind they need to say ‘yes’), but it could be just what you need to know that your career goals are still achievable.  

How to ask for what you want  

Get clear on what you want and need. It might be better managing the daycare drop-off/pick-up juggle between you and your partner, or perhaps you need to take your child to regular specialist appointments. Or maybe you want to explore a nine-day fortnight.  

You can spare yourself a lot of emotional anguish and accomplish more of the things that are important to you by being clear on what you want, and how you can get it. This is probably going to mean a conversation with your manager. If you’re worried about this, or feeling a bit stuck, you might find the values, demands and boundaries exercise useful at this time. It might be just what you need to best articulate your needs.  

As a parent, you are protected under the Fair Work Act 2009 and entitled to make a Flexible Working Arrangement request. You should make any official requests in writing, and your employer must respond within 21 days. It can only be refused on reasonable business grounds which need to be communicated to you in their response. Arrangements include: 

• Changing start and finish times. 

• Working from home or part-time hours. 

• A job share arrangement. 

You may be able to negotiate a ‘test and see’ arrangement with your employer first, before you go through any official procedures. Trial arrangements take some of the risk out, and set up an expectation that you can make changes as you go to see what works and what doesn’t.  

Finally, make sure you continue to have regularly conversations. This could be to check in on your flexibility arrangements. It could also be a good time to talk about your broad career goals. Like a lot of what we’ve discussed above, your employer is not going to know your career goals and ambitions if you don’t share them.