How dads can talk with their employer about taking parental leave
When dads take on equal caring responsibilities, everyone wins.
Yet research shows only 17% fathers take long leave to care for their new child, according to the Workplace Gender Equality Agency.
So why aren’t more men taking leave? In many ways, the odds are stacked against us.
Despite all the progress made, there is still a stigma. Organisations could have the best parental leave policies in place, yet many of us don’t feel comfortable taking it. Beyond the stigma, there’s the fear of being penalised at work or letting the team down, along with the financial stress that comes with taking time out of the workplace.
Changes to Paid Parental Leave implemented in July 2023 go some way to encouraging shared parental leave between partners, removing the ‘primary’ and ‘secondary’ carers labels, and making it easier for all parents to access paid parental leave. It's a step in the right direction.
Still, having the conversation with your employer about taking leave can be daunting. Here are a few things you do to prepare for the conversation, and make it a positive one.
Step one: Know your entitlements
In Australia all employees, regardless of whether or not they’re eligible for Paid Parental Leave, are entitled to a period of parental leave. That means, if you’re a dad and you’re going to have responsibility for the care of a child, you are entitled to up to 12 months of unpaid parental leave if you choose to take it.
Depending on your circumstance, you may also be eligible for Paid Parental Leave, or you may be able to access paid leave via your employer. Research your company policy or employment contract to understand what benefits may apply to you outside the government scheme.
Step two: Come prepared with some ideas
Unlike career shocks or illnesses, you have (roughly!) nine months to plan for parental leave. For adoptive parents, the application process can take a long time, giving you time to think about how you might approach working parenthood (of course, that is often accompanied by a very short notice period to prepare once baby is ready for adoption, so that early thinking can be beneficial).
Before you approach your manager, chat with your partner to determine what might work best for your family. Then begin mapping out a few ideas for how your role could be covered around your leave plans. Perhaps you know someone in the same field who is looking for a new opportunity. Or maybe you can hand over some of your key responsibilities or promote within your team. Try to view this from your employer’s perspective. Focus on the organisation’s needs or goals, and how they prefer to operate – this first conversation is not the time to suggest a dramatic overhaul of operations.
This is about working with your employer. You don’t need to have all the answers, but coming prepared with some ideas can help foster good conversations.
Step three: Send a meeting request
If the employer doesn’t know you’re expecting:
Dear [employer’s name],
I’m emailing today about some exciting personal news. My partner and I are expecting our first child in September. I would like to meet to discuss some options for taking parental leave. Please let me know a convenient time to meet next week. It will be a good chance for us to talk about [organisation name’s] policies. Proposing we cover this in our next 1:1 meeting on 2 March?
Regards,
Andrew
If the employer knows you’re expecting:
Dear [employer’s name],
As you know, my partner and I are expecting our first child in September. I would like to meet to discuss parental leave. I have a few ideas about how my role can be covered while I have this time with my child. Please let me know a convenient time to meet in the next few weeks. Perhaps we can cover this in our next 1:1 meeting on 2 March?
Regards,
Andrew
Step four: Know how to open the conversation
Face-to-face (or Zoom) meeting:
“Thanks so much for meeting with me. As you know, I’m about to become a father. I would like to take a [x-month] period of parental leave when the baby arrives. I have a few ideas that I’d love to share about what it could look like for the business while I’m away.”
Step five: Be prepared to discuss dates
The burning question from your employer will be, when are you going on leave and how long for? Be prepared to share the due date and a rough leave timeline with your employer. While this can change (particularly if your partner or the baby experience complications), have a reasonably clear idea of how long and when you wish to commence leave.
In some circumstances, you may need to make this request sooner than you anticipated (e.g. a pre-term birth), so when it comes to timing the announcement, the earlier you can notify your employer, the better.
Step six: Outline ideas
For example: "Since my leave will be during the quieter September-December period, I thought it could be a good time to upskill some of the team. We can break down some of the parts of my role, so that everyone in the team gets a chance to learn something new.
“Before I go on leave, I can spend time with each team member, to get them up to speed so things continue to run smoothly when I'm gone.”
Step seven: Set up another meeting
This initial meeting is designed to raise the topic of parental leave and get your employer familiar with the idea that you will be taking some time out of the workplace. As much as you might want to work everything out in one meeting, save the nitty gritty for subsequent meetings. Before you end the meeting, let your employer know you’d like to meet in another few weeks to firm up any hiring or handover plans.
The ‘What ifs’
What if my employer reacts badly?
In a small business, you probably bring a wealth of skills and knowledge that can’t easily be replaced. It’s normal for a business owner to feel anxious about how they’ll manage while you’re away.
While we can’t control your employer's reaction, they may just need more time to get used to the idea. If the conversation isn’t going well, hit pause and set up another meeting for a later time. For example, you could say. “I can see this isn’t the right time to have this conversation. Let’s hit pause and pick it up when you have less on your plate. I’ll find an appropriate time in your diary and send you an invite.”
Remember, you are entitled to take parental leave if you have worked for your employer for 12 months or more. And your employer may be at risk of discrimination by refusing a parental leave request. Find out more here.
What if my employer doesn’t think I’m dedicated to my job?
During these discussions, it can be useful to reiterate your commitment to the job upfront. Reassure your manager that this is temporary, and that you fully intend to return. At the same time, this is a good time to make sure your employer understands how important your family life is to you. This can set the tone for future discussions when you return to work.
What if my employer has outdated attitudes to modern parenting?
We’ll do our best to promote the benefits of family-friendly workplace practices in our content hub for employers, but if you are hitting a serious roadblock, take a look at this article here.
