How to set boundaries with your employer as a working parent

Key takeaways

• Prioritise self-care and hold yourself to it in your support plan.
• Talk with your employer about what you need at this time. 
• Communicate your boundaries with your colleagues. 

It’s one thing to say to yourself, ‘this is how I’m going to structure my work around my home life.’ It’s quite another to talk with your employer about how you will do that in a respectful and mutually beneficial way.  

Why are boundaries especially important as a parent?  

Returning to work after having a child – whether you are taking one day or one year – is a key career transition point. There’s often an identity shift that happens when you move from being a ‘working person’ to a ‘working parent’, and it becomes necessary to communicate and establish boundaries that support your new identity. 

Not sure what a boundary is?  

A wise parent once suggested that you can ‘follow the resentment’ to find where you need to put in a boundary. Resentment refers to the feeling that you are being mistreated, and it is notorious for creeping up on you. It can be helpful to consider, ‘where am I feeling resentful or mistreated?’, and use that as a starting point for identifying what boundaries you may need to put in place to avoid this happening.     

How to prioritise self-care  

During this transition, your roles and responsibilities are changing, while a physical and psychological adjustment is also taking place. It can be overwhelming. Particularly if you are dealing with the 24-hour demands of a newborn, teething or a sick toddler.  

Many new parents feel guilty for needing to take time out from their baby or family. Don’t! Self-care is vital to your emotional wellbeing. Making time for interests and hobbies outside of parenting allows you to recharge your batteries, avoid burnout, and parent with more compassion and energy.  

In the support plan, we’ll help you intentionally schedule self-care time considering activities like exercise classes, walks (without the pram), or social time with friends – whatever activities light you up.  

When to recognise work is affecting home life  

Many people find the transition to working parenthood challenging. With workplace pressures, the frantic rush to and from daycare, financial pressures and more, it can feel all too hard, and like you’re not succeeding at work or at home. Many new parents feel an increasing sense of conflict between home and work life, and it’s not unusual to consider leaving a job at this time.  

Recognise that this transition point, while significant, is a relatively short period in your career. It may feel like groundhog day at the time, but leaving the workforce altogether can impact your career, superannuation balance, and financial wellbeing for years to come. If your boundaries have slipped or you’re considering leaving work, have an open conversation with your employer about your needs to help navigate the transition.  You can also assess your risk of work-family conflict via our confidential self-screening tool. 

How to talk with your employer 

Any conversation with your employer will have an element of give and take. Communicate what you need from the organisation as you adjust to life as a parent, and reciprocate by understanding what pressures your employer is under and what they would like to see from you. Communicate clearly and respectfully, and be open to discussing various different approaches to find one that suits both parties.  

You may be familiar with the compliment sandwich concept, and it can be a helpful strategy to begin a request of your employer with acknowledgment or appreciation. e.g:  

“Thank you for meeting with me. I know how busy you are. I would like to talk to you about increasing the number of days I work from home to gain a better life-work balance while my baby is teething/coming down with every daycare bug known to man.  

“I wonder if we could do something on a trial basis? I’ve thought through how this can work. I could attend Monday meetings remotely and schedule face-to-face meetings on Wednesdays – when my partner is at home with the baby. I will submit my formal request for flexibility over email, but I wanted to chat through some ideas with your first and get an understanding of what might be possible and you might need from me as I navigate this time.” 

It's always a good idea to suggest a trial of any new arrangement so that both sides have an opportunity to try out a new approach with the view that it can be tweaked as needed. 

If you are one of the few parents in your organisation, consider using this as an opportunity to champion family-friendly policies. With the current labour and skills shortage, organisations must be increasingly creative to fill positions. We love how caravan manufacturer Jayco recently solved their labour gap. They hired hundreds of mums of school-aged children to work 9.30-2.30pm shifts (and after-school shifts too). This organisational shift means those parents can contribute to the family income without the long-day childcare fees, and they got the quality labour they needed. 

How to communicate your boundaries with your colleagues 

Your employer or colleagues won’t know where your boundaries are, so the onus is on you to set the expectations – and communicate – how you want to proceed as a working parent. If you can’t attend meetings after 5pm or take on urgent tasks at 4.55pm, by respectfully holding your boundaries, your team will soon come to realise this. Boundaries can also help you emotionally, meaning you’ll stop stressing about leaving your desk at 5pm because that’s what you’ve pre-agreed to with your employer.   

Your employer can begin advocating for working parents if the workplace culture doesn’t support this yet. There are many ways of doing this, for example, sending out communication around flexible working arrangements and making them available for all staff.  

Tip: Set an automatic reply message on the days you’re away from your desk, or add the hours/days you work in your email signature. This can serve as a helpful reminder for your colleagues. 

Setting boundaries to get the balance you need as a working parent will help make you a more effective worker. Don’t shy away from communicating and setting these where possible. There is no such thing as a perfect partner or perfect worker. If you’re inclined to disagree, may we suggest reading this article about why you might be doing yourself a disservice.