6 thoughts that could be impacting your mental wellbeing right now

We’re going to get straight to it. Returning to work after leave is tough. Someone who isn’t you is looking after your child. You’re struggling to reorient yourself at a job you swear you used to be good at, and things have moved on in your absence. You often arrive at work having lived a whole day before getting to your desk. This overwhelm can lead to feeling of self-doubt and, if left unchecked, can affect your self-esteem and mental wellbeing. Read on for the everyday thoughts that pop into our heads – and how you can let go of what doesn’t serve you.  

I’m a terrible dad/mum/parent.

How often have you heard this from other parent friends or family members, only to reassure them the opposite is true? It’s a shame we don’t do this for ourselves. We’re programmed to turn inwards and blame ourselves when our child isn’t behaving or following the milestones we think they should be. There’s no guidebook for parenting, and as one wise older parent once told us, terrible parents don’t stay awake at night worrying they’re awful. Know that you’re doing the best you can.   

I’m failing at home and failing at work. 

Ah, the myth of perfection. This type of thinking won’t just haunt you in the first few months of parenthood but for years if you let it. It’s confronting to realise you’re not superhuman and can’t do everything or be everything to everyone. Adding to the pressure can be your employer expecting the same output as before you had extra family responsibilities. Ensure you’ve communicated with your partner or other supports about splitting care and domestic duties, and to your employer about anything you need time to get back up to speed on. No one has ever received a medal for perfectly worded emails or making the best possible breakfast for your kids. Cut yourself some slack. Transitioning from worker to working parent is one of the most challenging in life.  

I’m not working enough.

Perhaps you’re seeing other parents returning to work sooner or taking on more hours. Maybe the rising cost of living is creating an added level of stress. If what you’re experiencing isn’t being influenced by external factors (such as what your parent group or your peers are doing), take steps to change your circumstances and feel more in control. This could mean asking for more shifts or placing your child’s name on a childcare waitlist for additional days. Remember, raising a child is a full-time job in itself, so give yourself a break too. ‘Me-time’ becomes even more important when you’re spending time caring for others. 

I’m working too much.

Depending on financial circumstances and work obligations, many parents experience the constant push-pull between their personal and professional lives. We either feel guilty for being at work when we feel like we should be at home or guilty about neglecting work when we’re at home. It’s a heavy curse that can lead to parental guilt and burnout. One way to mitigate this feeling (which is easier said than done) is to be present at both ends. Of course, you’ll miss your baby when you’re at work, but try to channel this energy into what your job does for you mentally and your career (good work is good for us) – or how it how it provides for your child and sets them up in the future. When you’re at home, focus on spending time in a way that fills your cup and theirs – even if it means sitting through another tea party!    

Another way to feel ‘present’ at both ends is to ensure a ‘transition ritual’ between roles – whether that’s taking a few minutes to write down tomorrow’s to do list so you can turn your attention to what’s happening at home, or taking a walk around the block to shake work off before you enter the home.  

I feel guilty all the time. 

In the wise words of Bo Donaldson and The Heywoods, ‘Billy, don’t be a hero’. We know that’s oversimplifying what can be a very complex emotion as a parent, but often parental guilt comes from trying to be the best at everything and juggling too many things.  

Becoming a parent means instantly having responsibilities few other life experiences have prepared you for. Instead of withdrawing and leaning into the guilt, reach out to your support network or seek professional help.   

I want my old life back. 

Remember the heady child-free days when you could stay up until midnight (or even beyond 9pm) and do anything you wanted? Some days you can fall into a funk, reminiscing about all the time and freedom you once had. It’s normal to reflect back and wonder if you made the most of it. You may feel chained to the feeding chair or wonder when you will ever be able to jump on a plane again. It may not feel like it now, but you will do these things. Things do get easier.  

Where to get help  

We know that many of us feel shame and guilt around parenting. This is one of the reasons many people won’t reach out for help until they reach crisis point. To help you identify your level of risk for mental health distress, you can assess yourself using our free, confidential self-screening tool. To reach out to a perinatal mental health professional, search the e-COPE Directory.