Taming your new dad fears

Pre-match nerves may be common for a footballer, but they’re understandable for a dad-to-be, too. What you’re facing, after all, is a momentous life change that, while exciting, can also feel daunting, too.

For any first-time dad, the build-up to the birth is alien territory so often brings some fear of the unknown. And sometimes it can be hard to voice your concerns to your partner and you can feel obliged to put on a brave face to avoid piling extra stress on their plate.

But you don’t have to go it alone. Here are some tips on how to tackle some of the most common fears that new dads face before the birth.

“I can’t stop worrying about the birth. What if something goes wrong?”

When you’re dealing with an uncertain situation, it’s normal to run through all the potential scenarios that could occur. What’s less helpful is if you start catastrophising about the negative possibilities (you’ll have enough sleepless nights after your baby is born). To maintain a measured outlook, try and rationalise your situation by considering the big picture. According to the UN, about 385,000 babies are born every single day. Sure, you’ll hear people share their traumatic birth stories but, as the saying goes: no one ever talks about all the planes that land.

If you are feeling apprehensive then remember knowledge is power. Doom-scrolling the internet can be counterproductive, so arm yourself with the facts by talking to your midwife or GP to get some perspective on your concerns.

Still feeling helpless? Try to focus on what you can control, whether its nailing the details of your birth plan or researching the baby seat you’ll buy. During the lead-up to the birth, you don’t have to be a fretful bystander, you can become a vital participant.

“I’m already feeling the pressure – will I be able to provide for my family?”

With your responsibilities about to expand in a big way, it’s easy to start worrying about your finances, career goals or whether you need a bigger place to live. For some dads, the prospect of having to provide for their family can seem overwhelming.

Admittedly, from nappies to strollers, having a baby does involve additional expenses. But if you’re stressing about the financial burden, having a written game-plan can make things feel more manageable. Discuss with your partner what you realistically need and then estimate a rough baby budget. Should you want to take things further, a financial counsellor may help you gain a deeper understanding of your options. You can access free financial counselling here.

Don’t panic if your circumstances aren’t how you imagined they would be when you thought about starting a family. If you wait for ‘the perfect time’ to have a baby then chances are you’ll never have one at all.

Feeling the pressure at work

Many expectant and new dads feel a greater burden of responsibility when baby arrives. You might find that you're putting pressure on yourself to perform better at work in an effort to provide for your growing family. This can coincide with a time when fatigue is at its highest, which can put you at increased risk of mental health distress.

If you’re a small business owner, that pressure can be further amplified as you try to manage a business (and your income stream) yourself, as well as juggle the responsibilities that come with having a small child.

It’s important to recognise when you’re experiencing distress. Remember, one in 10 men experience depression or anxiety in the perinatal period. Take time to familiarise yourself with the signs of perinatal mental health distress, and reach out for help if you need it.

“I’m worried that I’m just not ready to become a dad yet”

Like any big change in circumstances, parenthood does require a major adjustment. Facing up to that can be confronting, particularly if – like more than a third of pregnancies in Australia – your baby wasn’t actually planned.

But just because you’re becoming a dad doesn’t mean that your life is over or that you suddenly have to abandon all your kid-free interests. It’s OK if you still need some time for yourself. Talk to your partner about the things you both want to keep doing after the baby arrives, whether it’s going for a weekly surf or catching up with your mates. Having this discussion can help you behave more intentionally in this busy new phase of life.

“When it comes to the baby, I have no idea what to do”

Unsure how to burp a baby or change a nappy? Don’t sweat it. A degree of self-doubt is inevitable before your baby arrives – after all, you’ve never done any of this stuff before.

Most mums and dads can feel a bit helpless at times in the early stages of parenthood and, chances are, your partner will be a complete rookie, too. The key thing is for you to get stuck in and have a go – you'll soon figure out a routine that works for your baby. Remind yourself that parenting is a constant learning curve, so don’t beat yourself up if you make the odd mistake.

Call in the reinforcements

Looking after a baby is full-on and every new parent can sometimes do with an extra pair of hands. Use this resource so you and your partner can work out who your support team is ahead of time.