Three thoughts that could be impacting your wellbeing as a business-owning parent right now
By this time, you've had a little bit of time adjusting to life as a new parent, which means you might now be getting visited by those thoughts that plague new parents – the guilt, the regret, the 'I'm-not-doing-enoughs'. Maybe you're loving parenthood, or perhaps it's not living up to your expectations. It's OK to feel some or all of this.
1. I wish I…
Where do we begin with the all-consuming thoughts that run through our heads as new parents? I wish I had more time off with the baby / I wish I didn't take time off / I wish I had a family earlier / I wish I had a family later. You can send yourself crazy revisiting and imagining all the potential scenarios in parenthood.
Although the last few years of increased flexibility has helped some (though not all), typically, parents are expected to work as if they don't have children and parent as if they don't work. The fallout of this is we can feel guilty all the time. Guilty, we're not spending enough time with our kids, and guilty that we're not spending enough time on the business.
Parental guilt bleeds outside of work too. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself, exercising, and missing milestones like first steps, first words, Christmas concerts … and the list goes on. The best thing you can do to mitigate parental guilt is set boundaries around your working hours, and be present at much as you can at both ends.
2. I want to be the best
As working parents, we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be ‘the best’ parent and boss. That thought alone could impact your wellbeing in a big way. Chasing 'the best' is a surefire way to drive yourself to the brink of burnout. Kids don't want you to be infallible either and, as they get older, you can do them a disservice by pretending to have it together all the time. Acknowledge your shortcomings, mistakes, and role model how to fail successfully.
3. Everyone has it together except me
Scratch below the surface of any parent/child relationship, and you'll soon realise no one has it all together. Everyone has lost their composure at some point, often in public and at the worst possible time. It can be very freeing when you realise every parent is making it up as we go along. Even if things look rosy on the outside, everyone has bad days, often accompanied by poonami-stained onesies. (If you know, you know).
How to turn it around
Be a 'good enough' parent – lowering the bar at home doesn't make you a bad parent – it creates space for your partner, family or community to help raise your child. Take the pressure off, and save the Pinterest parties for when they're old enough to remember them.
Be clear on what matters – or, in other words, know your values. Is it making it home every night for bath time? Putting in the effort to make sure everyone eats healthy? Set clear boundaries around your personal time, and practice saying 'no' to business commitments that take you away from these values.
Ask for help – the big one we're often so reluctant to do. Somehow parents find endless ways to cope operating on barely any sleep. Don’t be a hero. Reach out to your support when things are getting rocky, and don’t wait until things get really dire. Consider the other new parents in your networks too, asking for their help helps normalise asking for support too.
