Are you trying to be the perfect worker, and the perfect parent? You might be doing yourself a disservice
Key takeaways
- Recognise any negative feelings that may be stopping you from moving forward.
- Seek support from trusted friends, family and colleagues.
- Remember, you don't have to be a superhero.
Being everything to everyone. Sound familiar? Sound impossible? There’s plenty of research to suggest the path of people-pleasing is not a productive one. It’s also a recipe for burnout.
For parents, it’s a web that is easy to get trapped in as we try our best to be great parents, be reliable employees, raise well-rounded kids, and contribute to the world and/or the household budget.
The truth is, we can’t be everything to everyone.
It’s easy to look at other parents and think they have it all together or are nailing the work-life juggle. Sometimes we’re harder on ourselves than is helpful, which can affect our mental health.
So what do you do if you’re in a perfect parent headspace? First, understand the factors contributing to these expectations, and take steps to move out of this unhealthy mindset.
Dealing with regrets, bad work experiences and work negativity
We recognise not everyone’s leave or journey to parenthood might have gone to plan. There’s a lot of change and upheaval at this time, and you may still be processing all this when you return to work.
Maybe you’re struggling to leave your baby or didn’t want to return but felt compelled to for myriad reasons. Perhaps you weren’t supported in the way you wanted at work or didn’t have enough support at home. In every transition, we can feel stuck in the disorienting middle phase. Everything feels hard, but even recognising this is where you’re at can be helpful.
Many new parents feel pressure to perform at work at the expense of family life. This might be due to financial reasons leading the parent (often the highest earner) to feel trapped. It can be helpful to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel I have to?”. Often we can make changes, like requesting flexibility, but worry that it won’t be possible, or that we might get knocked back. By being honest and asking yourself or your partner open questions, you may get to solutions you didn’t think were previously possible.
Seek out valuable parenting support
Steer clear of the peanut gallery and those who question your life choices or parenting skills. Seek advice from trusted parenting sources, peers and parents you respect. Often, it can be enough to know that other parents are experiencing the same challenges. Having a common ground to share our feelings or failings as parents also helps to take some weight off our shoulders.
Give yourself more credit
The curse of perfectionism can lead to a downward spiral of limiting self-beliefs, criticism, and negative self-worth. Avoid dwelling on past mistakes, and aim to be a ‘good enough' (not perfect) parent. Recognise all the good things you do. Maybe you can sing a kick-ass lullaby, tame a tantrum, or are the only one at work who can figure out complicated spreadsheet formulas. Sure, you’re not superhuman, but also? No one is asking you to be.
This is one topic you can’t check off a list. It’s an ongoing process to tame perfectionist tendencies. Next, you might want to read about the signs of parental burnout.
